Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas

I want to wish all of you a Merry Christmas.

This Christmas has been really a weird one for me. I was expecting to be back in the hospital, but it hasn’t happened yet. It doesn’t feel like Christmas this year at all for me. We have watched a bunch of Christmas movies that should put you in the Christmas spirit. One thing that I enjoy, or has been one of my Christmas traditions is to go to the crowded malls when you don’t have any thing to buy and people watch. Like window shopping except you watch the crazy people and I am reminded how empty life is without Christ. And He is the reason we celebrate the season! The Hope of the world!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

"The Nativity" movie

This year I haven't had the strength to get out. My mom has been out and about making several trips to the store. Coming back reporting how crazy it is out there and cold. So in my weak state where I have problems just walking around the apartment. I have been glad to miss a lot of the holiday hussull-and-bussull. I consider this year to be the year of quarantine, I don’t want to catch the bugs that are going around right now, so I can be eligible for transplant they won’t transplant me if I get the flu. We have been really careful who comes around or where I go, and then give it all up to God because he is the only one really able to control any part of my health and surgery.

But one thing my mom and I got to do today was find enough strength to go to the theater and see the "The Nativity" movie. They did a really good job on the movie. I highly recommend it. It always concerns me when “hollywood” tells a story how they have to add, or change the movie to to fit there view. But one thing they did a good job on accurately retelling the Biblical account, and the parts that were added didn’t change the story but were in the relm of possibilty, they kept with the history and culture of the time. The only thing I feel that could have been done a little better
Luke 2:8-15
“8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields near by, keeping watch over their flocks at night.
9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.
10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.
11 Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.
12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
14 “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests.”
15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.””

They didn’t fill the sky with the heavenly host singing Glory to God!. I guess I will have to wait till I get to heaven to hear the heavenly host singing Glory to God! And it will be better than anything man can make up or digitally manipulate.

For me and my mom It was good to get out and it wasn’t like a waste of time, either. I have been wanting to make it to either Church saturday night or a Christmas eve service but it hasn’t happened. So like some start up churches that meet in a movie theater for service, we went to a theater on Christmas eve and heard and saw the Christmas message.

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favour rests.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

The dreaded Christmas card mailing


This week I have spent quite a bit of time working with my mom to send out her Christmas card and letter. It once again reminds me of why I don’t like the Post Offices to much trouble. Email is a lot easier. And the Blog is even better, one post can be viewed by a bunch of people. Even the ones that you would accidentally forget or don’t know their address.


Sunday, December 17, 2006

Something to think about


When Trials come they will either strengthen or weaken your faith.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Happy Birthday Micah!

Well, I am now another year older, and 20 lbs lighter So does that make this a good thing or a bad thing? But unfortunately this year I and far more weaker, and sicker then I was last time. Last year, being a busy time for people I got to go out with a lot of my friends spread out over a week and eat at several different resturants and be sung too many times and got to share "birthday" dessert with lots of friends! This year is a lot closer to home and not seeing as many people, trying to stay as healthy as possible and trying not to spend all my energy in one place. This year I get to spend it with my Mom, first time in maybe 6 years.

Year 27 death of the old Micah, does that mean Year 28 will be the birth of the new and improved healthy Micah? Oh I sure hope so!

But I know: Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
and also: Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

So no matter what happens this next year I know that God is still on the thrown and providing for my every need. So this year will be another great year no matter how scary or what the roller-coaster ride looks like now. With God’s help I am going to climb a mountain this coming year!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Yeah Birthday parties

My mom wanted to give me a birthday party since she hasn’t been able to in so many years. I don’t make a big deal out of party’s or anything. She was planning if we were in the hospital will do ___“this“___ or if we are at home will do ___”That“___. And then there is the famous question what do you want for your birthday. I responded, I want to hang out with friends! I would love be able to get together with all my friends but my energy would never keep up and I would have worn myself completely out and probably ended up sick and back in the hospital. And my apartment would never hold a huge room of friends.

So we had a few people over played some games laughed and I got to find out what was happening in the real world. I am so thankful I was able to have enough energy to have a few friends come over and celebrate my birthday with me. It was a lot of fun and a change from my normal routine. I was worried cause a few hour before I wasn’t feeling top notch and slept most of the day. But with Gods strength we made it!


Thursday, December 14, 2006

Christmas lights

I have always liked looking at christmas lights. So one of my favorite things in the winter is to drive around and find houses that people go overboard lighting. In Portland, there was a street “Peacock Lane” where every house decorated I think some houses even competed with each other to have more lights, some house did just enough to get by. It was a fun memory I had with my Dad, and Mom. Ooh, Aww, Wow, Cool. It is the same sort of thing as fireworks.

So when we went out, I had my mom drive to Thanksgiving Point. I haven’t ridden in a car that far for quite a while. I was very tired by the time we got back but it was something different so that was good!

Thanksgiving Point Holiday lights let you drive through, it costs 7 dollars per car. Which some may say is not worth it but for me in my present condition. It was fun and I got to take pictures (more fun for me). Unfortunately a bunch of them didn’t turn out. I am still learning new ways to take pictures on with different settings.

Here are some of the ones that have turned out ok.








I wish I could have taken more time setup on a tripod with my cable release so that the slightest camera shake wouldn't make streaks with the lights. But oh well, it just proves that the laws of photography still apply to digital cameras to. "Out of a roll of 24 picts to have 3 or 4 pictures turn out that is a good shoot." So for me, out of 27 pictures I took too have 7 turn out is a great photo shoot. I have to remind myself that not every picture I take can be a good one.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Yeah work!

Well I am no where near being healthy enough to go back to work regularly. But I do like having the freedom from the hospital that I can go in for a few hours work on some projects get exhausted leave go home and rest!

Yesterday afternoon I was able to find enough strength inside, or maybe it was more curiosity that I went in to the TV station and worked with Denny on getting a new box configured, so we can put callers on the air and control the volume levels. We didn’t get it done enough to put it live on the air for last nights program :-( but we made a lot of progress towards that goal. Their are so many variables and each one has to be just right or the the thing doesn’t work or sound right. Hopefully in the coming week we can get just what we need to make it work flawlessly on the air!

So after about 3 hours I headed home to spend most of the night recovering. I am not looking forward to the coming surgery and all the pain again but I am looking forward to being healthy. And even more than that I am looking forward to Heaven!

2 Corinthians 4:8-5:11
Hebrews 12

The BEST is yet to come!!!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Another update...

II have gone back to a previous entry in november and added a picture of the various things I have been work on. You can go check out.
So what is up with Micah?

Missing people


It is an interesting place to be at in life. When I was in the hospital there are always coming by to “check on you” nurses, doctors, aids, staff. And with each time you have a chance to smile at them and say a few things here and there that add up to them seeing something different in me as a patient compared to others they may have visited moments before. Nurses often made the comment I am one of the sicker patients they have right now but in my room the lights are on windows open, they can see a smile (sorta if I haven’t just woken up) and others who could or would be better then me are in these dark rooms, and they are grumpy, bossy, angry, not very pleasant at all let alone try to spend any time with.

Little did I ever think that the hospital would be my mission field this year. At home I don’t have the same influence, God doesn’t have a line of strangers nocking at my door that I can share Jesus love with. But I can rest and recuperate here that I can’t get in the hospital.

So how can I be mad and upset that my “new” liver failed or that waiting for the next transplant is taking to long. God is taking care of me and using me for His purpose and His glory! Is there any were else I would rather be? No!

Philippians 4:19
“19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”

Tortoise and the Hare


We have all heard the Aesop's Fable Tortoise and the Hare

I have a thought on that. At the speed I go compared to the speed my mom goes she can walk laps around me. So when we race it isn’t really fare because I can’t keep up. But to even the field a little bit I can set the distance and declare where the finish line is (a few steps ahead of me) and not tell her that this is the finish till she has done her circle around me, and is behind me. It is all part of the fun and stupid games we play to fight off boredom and break up our many many hours of waiting for something to happen.

Nothing new to report


Well we made it through another weekend and I am not back in the hospital, because some stupid bug growing in me caused problems. Thank You Lord! But we haven’t reached the 1 week mark yet. There is still always the fact that something can change overnight. Or get called in saying a liver is ready.

Spent a lot of time the last view days getting our Christmas card printed and a few christmas presents ready to be sent out. This year my mom and I took a picture together in the hospital, I love digital photography. On my computer I was able to set it up and crop it just how I wanted it printed and had it in the right format to take it to Inkleys who was able to print it in a few hours. None of this wait 2-4 weeks for processing. We hope to have them addressed and ready to be sent by the end of the week. But that is probably wishful thinking.

We also had a TV show “24 Season 5” marathon. We watched all 24 episodes in 4 days. I can’t say we were totally glued to the TV that long I was doing a few other tasks like sleeping, eating, knitting, snacking, playing on the computer, grazing. The nice thing is between the 45 minute episodes, I had to get up and go to the bathroom and since I was up do a few laps around the apartment to keep the blood flowing and stretch and my reward was I could come sit back down and watch another episode because they all end leaving you hanging waiting for the next one, next week. But with them all on dvd you just have to hit play again for the next one, no weeks, or commercial interruptions :-)

So in the mean time we try to enjoy my freedom from the hospital bed. And wait for God to say jump!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Free again?

Well I have been discharged from the hospital again. Yeah! Now I can relax at home and I have a new set of 4 walls to stare at. And a wonderful recliner. And nobody to come wake me up in the middle of the night to make sure that I am still a live and didn’t die in my sleep. Well we will once again see how long I can stay out of the hospital this time. Any anyone want to make bets? Few days, a week, couple of weeks, a month?

Monday, December 04, 2006

How are you today?

I feel a lot like Utah weather it is always changing, you don’t like what it is doing outside wait ten minutes and it will change.

A lot of people ask me “how I am?”, doctors, nurses, e-mails, others come in through out the day and I have a very hard time answering them. Sometimes I just say yes I am here.

So I decided to write down my many possible answers.
I am:
- tired
- fine/pretty good
- have energy
- have no energy
- ready to go for a walk
- knees going to give out need to lay down
- stiff/sore in my back, pain level 4 or 5
- hungry
- belly is full and bloated
- feeling sick, going to throw up
- need to go to the bathroom
- exhausted need to sleep
- need to get up out of this bed
- wide awake
- sound asleep

and that is all within the last 1 hour. Now times that by 24 and you start to get a picture of my day.

So how do you answer the common question “How are you doing?”

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Test of the new beta blogger


I am always one to try new things :-) So I finally got around to switching over to the new Beta version. hopefully enough bugs have been worked out that everything will work as expected

I am tired...

Yes I am tired of being sick and going up and down on this roller coaster ride. But I still have hope!

Isaiah 40:28-31 (ASV)
“28 Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard? The everlasting God, Jehovah, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary; there is no searching of his understanding.
29 He giveth power to the faint; and to him that hath no might he increaseth strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31 but they that wait for Jehovah shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint.”

Or from the Message:
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts. He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind.

Proverbs 3:5, 6 (NIV)
“5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Romans 8:28
“28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”



Friday, December 01, 2006

Still here...

I am getting so sick of being in the hospital. And hospital food lost its excitement long time ago. The only way I am getting through this is on God strength my strength ran out long time ago. so until God provides the next miracle I continue to wait and sleep, and sleep.

I know it is long time over due and I haven't posted things to the blog for the entire month of November, So now I am getting caught up again. I had a bunch of postings in my head and in my journal program but I never hit the send button. So now I am caught up I think. So be sure and check out November in the archive if October was the last thing you read.

Friday, November 24, 2006

So much for going shopping

I am now back in the hospital.

It is always something new. This time I was throwing up blood. The doctors don’t like hearing things like that. So from emergency room it is straight to ultrasound where I got a another parasentisis tap. Which didn’t really do much other then hurt. Then it is up to ICU for a few days. And more tests.


Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well I am have a lot to be thankful for this year. God has provided for all of my needs this year.

Even though things haven’t worked out in the time scale/frame that I wanted it to happen, God has not given me more then I can bare.

Oh by the way I have made it a week out of the hospital and can enjoy my recliner chair, I know I need to walk but it is so comfy and my full belly keeps me down.




Thursday, November 16, 2006

Where has Micah gone?

I am free! (Sort of) after 33 days in a row I have been discharged now we will see how long it is before I am back in. And what will bring me back this time?

Updated Statistics: (Days spent in Hospital 104)
September - 10
October - 29
November - 24

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

So what is up with Micah?

In an effort fight off bordem I have taken up some new hobbies. I have been learning to knit, crochet, cross-stitch. And there are the old hobbies I had as a kid playing with Lego’s. We found that Megablocks Probuilder series has some really cool models and they cost quite a bit less then Lego’s super kits.



So I have been doing other things just waiting in the hospital for something to change or be sent home.

As hard as it is to wait God is still in control and it will work out in his perfect time.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

So much for daily outings

I have had passes to wonder around but today they took them away so no more walking around in the world outside of these of these four walls. Now I need to find something to fill my my time while we wait.

Yesterday when we went out we had a little more fun and excitement than I had planned for... I saw a picture of the mountains and I had my mom pull off on the side of the freeway so I could get a picture. On the way over to the side of the road we hit some roadside debris, when we got back up to speed we started hearing noises, and a bit later when we stopped at a light we found had a flat tire. Right when I was suppose to be back in the hospital to get the next set of drugs and IV junk. We called for help and Denny my boss at the TV station was on their way to lunch and was right around the corner. So they were able to stop help my mom change the tire and take me to the hospital. Thank you Lord for providing once again for our needs.

So was it worth stopping for the picture?

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

who is trying to escape?

I have never been one for dressing up for halloween. I like going out as myself. And since we have passes to leave the hospital for a few hours so I can get a break and change of pace from just staying inside all day.

Which one is the costume?

If you guessed the me in street cloths you guessed right. I went out wearing my hospital gown because that is the normal cloths. Every time I put on street cloths I feel like I am dressing up to hide my sickness. For once I could wonder around normal and every one else thought I was wearing a costume.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Statistics

As of October 23

I have been checked into the hospital 8 times since the transplant on March 7 (230 days ago). In that time I have spent 65 days in the hospital.

March        - 20
April          - 0
May           - 3
June           - 1
July            - 10
August       - 0
September - 10
October - 21

And in the last 35 days (Sept 19- Oct 23)
I have spent 4 days at home and 31 days in the hospital

Friday, October 20, 2006

Status (since it has been a while)

I am still in the hospital. God Is still on His thrown in control of this entire situation. I have been learning a great deal of patience, and learning to give God the control of things I want to be in control of, but I can’t be. I continue to trust that All things are going to work out for good.
I have found an interesting mission field that I never expected to go to. Being in the hospital and talking to the nurses and aids about my story, they are amazed at how I can remaining so positive, most people turn sour, bitter and grumpy. I am able to tell them that Christ in me is giving me the strength and patience that I need to endure this long adventure.


My body fat, and muscles are basically all gone. I am a shadow of the man I used to be. I am now down to 160 lbs. and that is still with extra fluid in my belly. Hopefully I will be able to build my muscles back up better then before.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Change of pace...

We have been in this lull for many days were almost every day is like the day before. Watching TV, sleeping, taking pills, sleeping. But today I had more excitement to fill my day.
I woke up with a 101 fever, we had just got that coming down and I took some drugs then proceeded to throw up (flagil is bad going down the first time it is worse when it comes back up). I felt better afterwards for a bit, and I went back to sleep.

When lunch came I had an appetite but before I could finish it xray was calling for me to get a chest x-ray. I asked for 10 minutes to finish lunch first and they agreed that that was do-able. Shortly after I left for x-ray the doctor came by and ordered an ultrasound tap to check for infection, and a CT scan. So without any warning I was off to another test. When I got to ultrasound they said they were going to poke my belly to check for infection. But less then 2 hours after my belly was upset and throwing up. I didn’t think that was something I was ready to do. They also wanted me to drink 1000mL of Rasberry Crystal-light contrast for CT. I wanted to go back to my room and bed instead of doing this in ultrasound. They said it is my right to refuse any test or procedure. So after a bit of waiting I was taken back to my room where I was able to enjoy drinking the contrast. :-(

2 1/2 hours later after drinking the contrast we were on our way back to CT for another scan and then off to ultrasound for a tap. I didn’t have as much fluid in my belly this time so they only got 3.6 liters out of me. I guess the lasix are working.

The results of the test came back all clean, no new infections. Which is a good thing. The bad thing is that I have been having a bunch of fevers and throwing up and they don’t know exactly why. My stomach doesn’t feel so good and seems to always be churning :-(

So once again I continue to wait and see what brings into my life next.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Fun while it lasted...

Well this fills like a very familiar song. I checked out thursday and sunday I am right back in. Yes unfortunately I am back in the hospital (again) that is 23 days in/27 days out. And this is my 10th time being checked in since march.

So while I was at home I did get to enjoy 1 night of really good sleep only woke up once and then right back to bed. Got to walk around smiths market place looking at new eye candy and tempting me to buy buy buy it is only 9.99 or 19.99 or 129.00 and it is on sale. But in the end I decided that I didn’t really need it. And the 2 things that I was really looking for and probably would have bought they were out of. Lucky me, bank account/budget wins yet another round of the I wants.

The rest of the time at home was spent pretty much the same as it is in the hospital. Sitting watching (in a very comfortable recliner, at least it starts out that way) TV with my mom, taking tons of drugs, trying to decide what in the world I am hungry for, going to the bathroom, and last but not least sleeping.

So now that I am back in the hospital I expect not much will change. Same old routine no sleep, bad food, and lots of pain cause I am not moving. Yippee!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Last place I expected to be...

I never thought it was going to happen, before I got transplanted. I thought my hospital stay was a one way street. With me in here till the transplant happens.

But the doctors through a curve ball on me. They discarged me today! I am back at home! :-)

They want me to stay as healthy as possible. But the risk of catching something in the hospital was higher then the risk of sending me home. The same rules all apply don’t get sick! We will call you if something changes.

My back is happy that I don’t have to lay on the hospital bed tonight.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

No one knows the day or the hour.

(Mark 13:32-37)
32 “No-one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.
33 Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come.
34 It’s like a man going away: He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with his assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch.
35 “Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back--whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the cock crows, or at dawn.
36 If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping.
37 What I say to you, I say to everyone: ‘Watch!’”

Just like the second comming of Christ we are being on standing by waiting and hoping. They are not wanting me to go home because they are watching my labs pretty close so that if a liver comes available they don’t want me to be sick with something inside that would make me not eligible to recieve it.

Lord give me the hope and patience to continue to wait on you!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Today is a special day...

I don’t know if it is something to be proud of or not. I was counting up days that I have spent in the hospital and today is my 60th day (not all consecutive) in the hospital since march. The crazy thing is I have learned from the nurses and others comming in doing there job, so when a new person comes in and isn’t quite sure what they are doing I can talk them through what they should do. My mom walks around the hospital and there are a lot of people that know her and me, and she is always being asked how is Micah doing. A number of times she has been given a staff discount in the Cafeteria.
I think about what I have gone through and were my natural energy level is at, and where it runs out and amazed that God gives me extra strength I need to make the next few minutes or hours.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Lasix of fun...

My belly fills smaller or at least from the inside less presure maybe. They were thinking of TAPping me again. :-( I don’t want another hole in my belly. Isn’t 3 TAPS plenty in a week. My labs are showing that my kidney is doing a little better so the levels are closer to normal. Which means that they give me lasix and it wouldn’t have ill effects. IV & pills 100mg wow! I lost track of how many times I have gone to the bathroom. 4 times an hour maybe. Bye-bye fluid.
My belly still is extra large but in many I fill a lot lighter. I can move a little more quickly, with my center of mass changed.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I escaped...

Well for about an hour! We talked to the doctor about how I was going stir crazy here in the hospital and that I wanted to get out this weekend and was denied. He didn’t think it would be bad for me to get away, since we were waiting right now. He wrote a pass so that I could get out for an hour or so if they weren’t giving me any drugs and we told the nurse first.
It was so nice. We were only gone for about an hour. I got to go take pictures of the fall callers. But probably the nicest part was that I was able to sit in a different chair for a bit.
We drove up City Creek canyon, and memorial grove park. And of coarse I had my mom grab the camera so I took a bunch of pictures.





Tuesday, October 03, 2006

No end in sight

They are still keeping me in the hospital. They want my levels to come back down to a normal range. They took me back to ultrasound for another TAP and pulled off 7.3 liters of fluid monday. The my belly felt better for a bit but the rest of me felt super messed up. The body does crazy things as that much fluid comes off. The most sad part is that a few hours later the fluid has shifted from other places that the belly is tight and full again :-( I am tired of being poked and pushed on, from the outside and the inside.

Monday, October 02, 2006

It is official...

I am officially tired of being in the hospital. I am so ready to be out and be home again but at this point they aren’t looking to send me home. I am still to sick. I have way to much extra fluid in my belly which is effecting my kidney functions. So we continue to wait...
God give me the strength and patience to make it trough another day staring at the same 3 walls, and keep me safe from all these other bugs floating around the hospital that I don’t want to catch.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

"What's next, Papa?"

Romans 8 (The Message) 
15-17 This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!
 18-21 That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.
 22-25 All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
 26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Nothing major yet

We still are here in the hospital waiting. Waiting on God!

They might be tapping my belly again today it is very large and uncomfortable again.

One thing I have found from my extended stays is it makes life so much easier letting God give me the strength for the moment, and not doing it on my own. Also my mom has told me so many times, Life is all about attitude, in every situation you can either sour or mellow. Your attitude can become bitter at life at everything or you can choose to take life as it comes one thing at a time.

I just pray that the people God brings into my life today in the hospital that my words will point people to Christ and and be a blessing.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I am still here

This has been probably one of the hardest stays in the hospital that I have had. I am loosing blood somewhere in my body :-( so and the doctors don’t know exactly why and were. So they are giving me more blood and now they are planning a colonoscopy to get a closer look inside. The problem is I am having a very hard time getting trough the bowel preb. My stomach is revolting!
Yesterday (Mon) they tried to start a PICC line on me 4 attempts and all of them failed. Today they sent me to Angio to have it started with a minimal amount of contrast it only took them about 6 pokes and then they were finally successful but my arm is dead with pain...

All of the rest of my veins in my arms are bruised and having issues. They were running out of places to draw blood for labs from. Morning and night and sometimes during they day I have lost track (again) I am probably around 10-15 pokes/misses I think my averages right now have been 2.5 attempts to 1 good poke.

I am just so tired and exhausted from all of this hospital stuff. I know right now I am no longer running on any of my own energy or adrenaline it is all God and His strength right now. Just when I think I can’t take it any more and am ready to give up he comes up with another shot in the arm “You can do it Micah don’t give up just yet” This to will soon pass. Either somebody will come by and say Hi or an e-mail. I try to keep things in perspective “It is not about you it is all about God and it is for His glory that we are going through this!” This is far bigger than anything you can see right now. But in the end many will see the miracle that God is building right now. It is a weird place to be from my position to be standing/waiting for a miracle. He can still miraculously heal me from the inside, bring this second liver transplant and we fly trough it like the first one or even better, or he opens a third option that none of us saw coming but those are the best ones sometimes because we are forced to stand back and say WOW isn’t God amazing!


Monday, September 25, 2006

I spoke too soon

I am now once again back in the hospital. :-( I had a very rough night Saturday with fevers and intestinal stuff. :-( I wish I didn’t need my food processor at times and could just pull the whole thing out. Be like an air fern, and live on just air... Yeah I know it would cause other issues, but I already have issues... Sunday morning I mentioned to my mom that one of my liver drains looked like blood, which worried her a little but after an hour or so it cleared up. Then a couple of hours later later I had blood in my bowel movement and at that she decided to call if nothing else to keep the transplant team up todate, and there immediate response is bring him into ER today. So I have learned docs don’t like intestinal bleeding.

So I am still a pin cushion. 3 attempts to get 1 IV started. :-(

Lord, why am I going through all of this? and how long will it take? Yet I know in my spirit that it is not my place or need to question. I just need to live for the here and now and bloom where I am planted. You will give me the strength to make it over the next hurdle which is were I need to be focussing. I can still trust Your promises that “All things work for your Glory” So it is not about “me“ and my minor discomfort (this to will soon pass) it is all about God and His glory! Not what I have done or overcome but what He has done. He is the one that gives me strength for the next 5 minutes!

Friday, September 22, 2006

So I guess it is time for the update

The Pin Cushion still lives. This visit in the hospital is right up there with most pokes and stabs and misses visit in the hospital. I lost count somewhere after 10. I will get back to the high-lights in a bit.

For the people that don’t like reading lengthy entries to sum it up:

=== Start of speed reader summary ===
I have now been discharged(thursday) and am once again at home waiting for the transplant. I have just slightly more energy then I had going into the hospital but I still sleep a lot. And when I haven’t been sleeping I am getting ready to go to sleep a lot. The docs say there is nothing growing in my big uncomfortable belly at the moment that will cause problems for the next transplant if it happens soon.
=== End of speed reader summary ===

My pin cushion experience started out in the normal way. Micah tells the nurse that I am hard stick. My veins look easy when they show there face but don’t be fooled the roll and move and colapse anything they can do to not get poked and since I haven’t eaten much and everything goes straight through they will be even harder to keep still. Oh and you can’t use this one this one or this one :-) because of previous IV attempts and failures, have a nice day.

Like most hospital stays they want to start with an IV. And I guess something I said to the nurse decided she didn’t want to attempt me, She said I am going to go find someone better then me to give you your IV. A few minutes later 3 of the crew from life flight come into my room, to start an IV on me. I felt privileged it takes away some of the fear knowing that these guys poke people in is some of the worst places and conditions Utah terrain can offer and they save lives. It is funny working with TV you see the “Talent” as normal people not so much star struck. Well having Life Flight working on me I have to admit I was star struck. I know they are just normal people but still... Not many people can say that their IV was started by life flight and I wasn’t in a stupid accident that left me all mangled so I wouldn’t remember what happen.

So they go looking for a vein and looking, and looking... Ok will try this one, ready poke... It collapsed on us before we got all the way in... Lets try this one on the other arm, ready, poke... Deep breaths, ok we got it your all done. My veins are still a challenge even for the crew of Life Flight, I don’t know if that should make me happy or sad...

Next they took me for a bed ride back to one of my most frequented places in the hospital radiology... And my favorite department Ultrasound they wanted to TAP me. Stick a needle in my bloated belly and let it just drain. Ultra sound looks around and wow you have quite a lot of fluid in there. So lets start with lytocain ow sting woo pressure then in goes a needle ugh ick ick ow. And then they hook up a bottle and we wait for the bottle to get full and then on to the next. So while we wait for things to drain I got to have a really good talk with the ultrasound tech. Not to get to gross out or offend my friends that like to drink, but as it was filling the bottle it came out the color of a light beer complete with foam on top. So it was pretty cool to see the effects of my belly getting smaller. They took 6.5 liters out or at leas that was when I started to go dry on that TAP, had they stabbed the other side they could have probably gotten about that much more. But the body reacts funny when it sudenly looses a lot of fluid. And I was no different, as we got ready to go back upstairs I threw up. I freaked out the nurses cause they thought it looked like blood. But I assured them it was vegitable beef soup from lunch the last thing I had eaten. It tasted a lot better the first time.

When I got back to the room the vampires were waiting for me. We need blood for this, this,and this test. We need blood cultures (2 different sites so 2 pokes). Next day this is your early morning wake up we need to take more blood, for these daily tests.

Some of the blood test taken were watching my hematican(???) levels. All I know is something about the blood level in my body. They like to see it around 40, I was at 18. Since it was so low the solution is a blood transfusion. So another poke for type matching and then another IV because the one lifeflight put in was to small. But after having something to eat my veins tend to be a little happier. I have never had to have a blood transfusion before. You would think that I would when my gut is cut open for the liver transplant or something dramatic like that would be a cause for it. No I need one after laying in bed, and sleeping. The doctors were scared that I had some internal bleeding or something. But all there tests came back negative.

They say that what I am experiencing is just later stages of liver failure. And I am in need of a transplant to fix it. We all thought it would have been great to get it when I was in the hospital right now, go from one room to OR - ICU - another room. All the paperwork was already done for admitting and stuff. It is a fine line with how long they want to keep you in the hospital. There are all the germ bugs floating around making it very unsanitary. Plus the hospital was at capacity right now so they were having to send people to other places because there was no room for them.

The rest of the pokes all just run together so I have lost track of numbers. Now I am back home. One of the many good reasons is I don’t have vampires and doctors coming in to wake me at crazy hours in the morning :-) I can sleep in.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I am back...

I have been re-admitted to the hospital again. Unfortunately it was not because of a phone call say we have a liver for you. This time my mom called the transplant coordinator to let her know that I am not doing so good. She was worried that I wasn’t eating, and sleeping all the time, she wanted someone to look at me and see what she was seeing. The coordinator talked to the doc and they decided to admit me cause it sounded like I was becoming dehydrated. The have also decided that they want to poke another hole in my belly and drain a bunch of this excess fluid, checking for infection or anything else. So unfortunately I am not going to be able to help with tonight’s live program (Sorry Denny)

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Still sick

So I am sure you have been wondering where I have been since I haven’t updated anything. I wish I could say I have been doing something very active and feeling really good. But that is not the case.

My health has gone down hill a lot this week. Monday my blood labs came back with my t-bil levels are still higher then it has been. So they recalculated my meld score and now I am at 25. (I was about 17 on the prior transplant) It puts me at number 2 on the transplant list. They think by next monday I will be even higher. But in the mean time while I wait I get to enjoy my stomach being very extended and painful, my skin is very yellow, and the spiders inside my skin are coming back also. I have been fighting so many low grade fevers I have loss count. Almost every part of my skeleton hurts, and you can’t forget that I have no energy either. I know that God is taking me on this coarse for some reason I don’t know why, I just hope it ends quickly

I am glad I can turn it over to him and trust that He will work all this for his Glory!                

Sunday, September 10, 2006

An answer to my prayers!

In January The Rock Church announced that in september they were going to plan an overnighter at Camp Utaba in september. When I heard that I was very excited and really wanted to go. My prayer was that I would be healthy enough to go with my church family and friends back to the place I grew up at. 1st time going to camp as a guest from Salt Lake City. I had witnessed it many times from the other end as people got there or as they left but I was never part of the whole adventure.

Well even though I am not doing very well health wise. My eyes and skin are becoming more and more yellow and my belly is retaining more and more fluid (again). My mom didn’t think I should plan on going. What if the hospital calls what if you come down sick, what if your drains leak... what if... etc. Can’t we go up and check into the hotel in the valley... “Mom, you are missing the point of the whole overnighter”, “I have my fears and concerns also, but God has got it all figured out.” I am going to trust that God will stop me if I am not suppose to go. He could easily put me in the hospital or make me to sick to move. I am not going to not go on this overnighter and miss what God is doing at the Rock Church for the off chance that in the same 24 hours that I am gone the hospital will call.

I know God has a sense of humor but even his humor works out for his Glory!

So I went and I am so glad I did. It was a neat trip, and a great time to fellowship with family and friends. The thing that would have made the trip that much better for me would have been if my belly was miraculously healed and it wasn’t distracting me with the normal pains and uncomfortableness.

God is doing some great things here in the Salt Lake valley and I hope that I can be in a place were God can use the gifts and talents he has given me for His Glory and purposes.

<>< One life at a time, One world in our lifetime <><

I think my dad was a better photographer

My dad took a lot of pictures while we were at camp. He had some amazing pictures. I have tried to reproduce some of his shots but I can’t do it. He wins.


This is a picture my dad took with a 35mm camera that turned out amazing:





This shot was taken with a digital camera that I took trying to reproduce his amazing shot 10+ years later.


Wednesday, September 06, 2006

to many pictures?

So does this mean I take to many pictures (borderline addiction,and I have been going through withdrawl) or does this mean that I have gotten really bored taking one at a time and have way to much time on my hands, to put them all together?



Tuesday night, I took some pictures of the Heart of the Matter set with Sean McCraney. It is amazing how much stuff we can have off to the sides that is never seen on TV because of the angles the studio cameras are set up in.

Monday, September 04, 2006

This is what I want my life to be...

Warren Barfield \ Mistaken

I shouldn't have to tell you who I am
Cause who I am should be speaking for itself
Cause if I am who I, I want to be
Then who you see won't even be me
Oh the more and more I disappear
THe more and more He becomes clear

CHORUS:
Til everyone I talk to hears His voice
And everything I touch feels the warmth of His hand
Til everyone I meet
Sees Jesus in me
This is all I wanna be
I wanna be mistaken
For Jesus
Oh I wanna be mistaken

Do they only see who we are
When who we are should be pointing them to Christ
Cause we are who He chose to use
To spread the news
Of the way the truth and the life
Oh I want all I am to die
So all He is can come alive

Til everyone I talk to heart His voice
And everything I touch feels the warmth of His hand
Til everyone I meet
Sees Jesus in me
This is all I wanna be
I wanna be mistaken
For Jesus
Oh I wanna be
Oh I need to be mistaken
For You
Lord i wanna be mistaken
Mistaken

BRIDGE:
May He touch with my hands
See through my eyes
May He speak through my lips
Live through my life

I want Him to
I want Him to live

Friday, September 01, 2006

Oh now it makes sense...

I am so happy, I had enough energy to make it some place new. I can say I did something that people do during summer vacations. Today I made it to the zoo, it has only taken me 15 years to get there. And my energy stayed up enough to walk up and down the hills. It was my moms energy that gave out by the end of the outing.

I was always surprised why when my friends and I were looking for something to do and I mentioned going to the zoo they were never interested. They said the animals at the zoo always make them sad. I could never quite figure out why. All of the zoo’s I remember going to were really neat places, they had the animals in well kept native like habitats. They also worked really hard at hiding the fences, but still keeping the animals and guests safe. I guess I got spoiled, the Portland Oregon Zoo, San Diego Zoo, Sea World, Chicago zoo. So I had my expectations and childhood memories set a little to high for Hoogle zoo. I now feel the same way that most of my friends do, it is a sad place. The animals are stuck in tiny cages almost lifeless. I was hoping to get some good pictures but all the animals that were doing something interesting the fences were across their face. Or something in the background that changed the whole image from look at the neat animal to look at the animal in a cage. So now I can say I have been there done that and be satisfied not going back for another 15 years or so. The one positive note, for being an outdoor activity/park tourist place the prices are not outrageous!







Well now it is off to work.

Zoo fun anyone?

I know it is last minute, and most normal people have work or school on fridays but I am thinking of, (and hoping my body will let me) going to the zoo for a few hours today. I am thinking 11:00ish-3:00ish and then force myself to go to work afterwards for a few hours. I haven’t been able to reliably make it to my goals so we’ll see how today goes.

My entire reason for going is I want to have some new subjects to shoot with my camera, and be able to say I did something more this summer then just sit in a chair inside. So if you are one of those strange people that woke up today with the thought I have nothing to do and would like too also try going to the zoo give me a call or e-mail me.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

What a painful day

Today I had a CT scan to see how my liver was doing and look to see if there were any new abscesses in the dying liver. The good news came back saying that there are no new abscesses the bad news was that my belly is retaining fluid again which might become infected and so I am on another round of strong antibiotics. They were hoping that I could get scanned on tuesday so when I was going to meet with the doctor on wednesday they would have something new to look at. But CT reported that their machine wasn’t working and we could reschedule for thursday.

The painful part of today was CT scans are one of those test were they don’t want you to eat anything for like 12 hours prior to the test so that they can have a “clearer” picture of what is really going on inside. They don’t want you to have solid food like steak or something that might look like potential problems. Well right now everything I eat goes straight through me, you can almost clock it. I have corn or something at 12:30 it is coming out in diarrhea by 6:00. So I don’t know where my body is getting the food to live on maybe, that is one reason why I have so little energy. Well when I haven’t eaten I get weak and lightheaded. My veins also collapse and become more rolly, and more difficult to poke.

So this morning being thursday I started off in the lab to get my blood tested (Poke number 1). Then it was off to CT waiting room I was a touch early. (I wish I would have broke the rules and gotten a muffin at the caffateria first). When they called me back the first order of business was to give me an IV. So they look at my arms and all my veins are hiding. (I wonder why) Well lets look at the other arm. After my lengthy warning, the nurse said “I think I can get that one”, Ok but remember I warned you. (Poke number 2) It went in alright, but she then hooked up the IV drip and watched my arm. But it didn’t feel right to her, and the fluid wasn’t flowing like it is suppose to. Lets try again. I knew getting an IV on the first try was going too good to be true. Nurse: “Lets take a look at the other arm again. I feel one here but I don’t see it” we can make it work. (poke number 3) Nurse: “Oh man I missed the vain that I couldn’t really see, but I know it is right there, hold on. (poke number 4) Got it.” Ok good, maybe we are about done. Nurse: “Oh no I can’t get the catheter in the vein. This one isn’t going to work either. I won’t try any more we’ll get someone else to start the IV”

By this time my body is really going down hill weak and lightheaded. I asked if they had any juice or anything and they said nope not here. Then I told them I needed to lay down or they would have other problems they weren’t counting on (me passing out on them) They took me to a bed and I thought maybe I am not suppose to get an CT scan today. A bit later another nurse came she looked at my arms and found the same problem as the first nurse did. “Where are your veins?“ So after a lot of studying my arms. Oh look your elbow looks really go. Which I responded to ”No that one is off limits“ I have had a hard enough time with phlobotimist getting blood from me and there are 2 veins in my left elbow that I only let ”good“ people stab. I didn’t want an IV blowing out or scaring one of the few places they get blood out of me regularly with minimum amount of pain. Try again elsewhere. So for what came next maybe it was foolish of me to not let them go with the easier poke.

So finally she settled on a vein on my the underside of my right arm. Which is a lot more sensitive, so it really hurt going in. (Poke number 4) There have been very few pokes that bring me to tears because of the pain. This was definately one of those painful times... And then after she dug for a bit she reports it also isn’t going to work the IV needle is in but but the rest of it won’t go in, we need to try again. Ow!!! So after I calmed down a bit and wiped away the tears she was re-prepped and went back to my left arm again and looked at the same vein. And said ”We’ll try a smaller IV this time. Which will mess up how fast they can inject the contrast.“ So I got another painful poke and a few tears. (Poke number 5) Good news we got it. Your done! Wait here we’ll come get you when we are ready. A few minutes later I hear them talking in the hall again. The CT scanner is down again.

I learned that the hospital has three CT scanners. A 64 slice (fast) one that is less then a year old that keeps breaking down on them. One in ER that is an older 8 slice, and one in Nuclear Radiology that is an 8 slice CT/PET scanner. The staff was going to take the waiting patience to one of these other scanners to have the tests done. Things were just going to be taking a bit longer. At least I had a bed to rest on. Others were stuck waiting in chairs. Finally they took me to the CT/PET scanner, so now I have been to all of the CT scanning machines in the hospital. Does that mean I win a prize? Like maybe I am exempt from the next one? Like in college not having to take the final because you did good on the other tests.

So finally I was on the scanner bed and they take several passes. ”Hold your breath“, ok breathe which is all fine. Then they prepare the injection. Lovely stuff that makes you warm and tingly all over. If you have ever seen the movie ”Muppets Christmas Carol“ and remember the scene where Kermit the frog asks Scrooge for a few more coals for the fire to keep the staff (the muppet rats) warm Scrooge responds ”How would the staff like to be unemployed?“ To which the Rats respond ”Heat wave“ and break out into an island dance, after a scene split costume change. That is how I always feel after being injected with this ”fun“ contrast. One second I am cool and the next ”Heat wave“. When every thing works well I don’t have any problems. But today hasn’t been a day free from problems. They want to inject the contrast as fast as possible and there is 100cc of it. So it normally takes 10-15 seconds. Well since I had a smaller IV they were going to do it slower, in 20 seconds. They first inject saline to make sure everything is working right. Well this time I thought my arm was going to blow apart. It hurt bad! Then ok now we are going to inject the contrast, WAM! Another pain in the same arm. Now hold your breath for the scanner, while you feel warm and tingly all over. Then about the time I was recovering from the feeling of loosing my vein in my arm ok you are all done we can pull out the IV now. If they needed to find a vein to poke now would be a great time that one is all stretched out and HURTS!

So after all that I survived, but it is definitely something I want to do again anytime soon. But I know I can look forward to it about as much as I can look forward to another liver transplant.

Lord if there is any other way to heal me then a transplant please do it! But I know that we all can rejoice at this point anything God does in my life is a miracle.




Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Yeah!

I made it into work again today. At least before tonight’s live program started, Shawn McCraney Heart of the Matter tuesdays 8:00-9:00PM then re-airs tuesday 11:00AM, www.bornagainmormon.com. I got to work about 7pm, so I should rephrase my I went into work tonight. This morning I was at home trying to find or conserve as much energy as I could. Tonight’s program went pretty good. Denny directed and I ran audio and graphics in the control room. It was a lot of fun working with Denny again. Anton has been directing most of the programs, which allows Denny to do other things, but since his school schedule has changed and he started back to school, he is not available tuesday nights.

I have gotten out of practice on the technical rhythm, each program and on air talent has their own rythm. It is easy to get out of sync and things don’t go as planned. Viewers say they don’t see the problems and everything looks fine to them. But I know what I want it to look like and it bugs me when I can’t make it how I wanted. But working at the TV station just re-affirms that God doesn’t call the qualified but qualifies the called. He gives us gifts and talents that we can use for His glory, or ours. I guess the bugs are their to keep me humble and show me that God is the one who is in control. It has often amazed me and everyone else behind the scenes how God is using the station and programs to touch peoples lives in a very powerful way. Denny says I can’t get another transplant because the show has gotten so popular and I am needed there so I can only get it if I will be back to work on tuesday night. Depending on God’s timing I might tell the nurse I am going for a walk I will be back in 2-3 hours :-) and show up at the station in a hospital gown. I guess that would only work if I don’t have a dancing buddy attached to me (the ever so lovely IV pump).

It is interesting that Shawn’s 1st program was the same day I got the first transplant. The weekend before I was helping to build the set and computer graphics and promos. Then wham “your outa there Micah“ God has different plans for you. It is just another case and point were I can’t take any real credit for the success of the program. It is all about God and it is His-story. I can just enjoy the privilege of being a part of it sometimes. Thank You LORD!

<>< ‘One life at a time, one world in our lifetime.’ <><

I wish I had something exciting to report...

To all the people that have been wondering what has happened why I have not updated anything on the blog. Well I have said it all before. Still have fevers that go up and down, the drain are still very picky and often get clogged. I have next to no energy.

So far my major high lights in my life are going to church and having enough energy afterwards to hang out with friends. Who have all figured out by now the answer the famous question of “How are you doing” my answer is, “Yes I am doing, I don’t know for sure, but I am here and not at home, so that is a good thing I think.” Or some variant of it.

There is only so many times you can say the same thing before you get extremely bored with it. I think that is my problem with the blog I have nothing new and I have gotten bored saying Monday I had fevers, tuesday, fevers in the morning and forced myself into work, wednesday fevers and slept most of the day, thursday ... etc. It has been almost a month of the same pattern.

I have been hoping that I could have enough energy to go to the zoo at some point soon before the weather turns cold, since I haven’t really done any fun or different from ordinary outside this summer. The most I have been in the sun is between the backdoor and the car, and from a car to inside where I am going. My hair has become a lot darker not getting bleached in the sun. True part of it is because of the drugs I am on recommend avoiding sun light but this is Utah... an outdoor recreation state.

So we continue to wait for something exciting to happen in my life... Only God knows the great plans he has for me. I can hope and pray that they include me being healthy again, and really getting plugged into changing the Salt Lake valley for Christ and for His glory. I also hope that someday in the not to distant years it will also include a wife and family.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Same song... (still) I have forgotten what verse I am on

(Note: I thought I posted this one already but it didn’t go through so here it is... 8/29 )

Same song, I have forgotten what verse I am on. I don’t have anything new to report. We still continue to wait for God to provide what I need. We still sit on the transplant list waiting for a match. It is a very hard place to be. Waiting for someone to die, so doctors can take them apart and use them for other people.

My liver still has issues. I have been fighting low-grade fevers, after more fevers, my body temperature has been up and down so much, I feel like I am on the end of a bouncing Slinky. I wake up and I could have a fever, then after a few hours it will be down and then the about the time I am feeling like the fever has left and I could consider doing something, on comes the next one. So at the end of the day I haven’t done much of anything. Including updating the blog.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Car fun...

Tuesday we made it to work again to help out with the program Heart of the Matter. I really like being able to go work at the TV station and give my mind different brain benders, to try to figure out. When it was time for my evening pills to be taken with food my mom who spends most of the day sitting reading her book decided to go to subway and get sandwiches. It is very helpful cause we can keep working and food shows up like delivery. Later, right before we were going on live I was going to go get something out of the car. I asked my mom where are the keys, she reached in her pocket, nothing, looked in her purse, nothing. Horror across her face, as she said I don’t know they might be in the car. We went out and looked and sure enough they were left right in plain sight on the passenger seat. And on the floor was my camera bag where I keep my spare set. I smiled and thought ok I guess I won’t be getting in there before the program. My mom had that terrible feeling all night, what are we going to do... Me on the other hand didn’t think much about it we have a program to put on we'll have to deal with it later. For the first half I was manning a camera and my mom was going to run the telephone prompter but she couldn’t figure out what she was suppose to do and there was a big mixup on the phone which caller was on which line, she was handed a stack of phone calls but the phone screeners didn’t put the right line number with the caller’s name. So the first few callers had the wrong name mentioned on air. Denny and Anton were getting frustrated. So I went back to help straighten things out. After the program was over I wanted to try wire or a coat hanger on the car. I have power locks so I knew that if I could just hit the button the car would open itself. Other observers were saying no don’t do that, we’ll call AAA they will be here in 30-40 minutes. (My thought, they don’t have a key to my car either so they will probably attempt the same thing I am doing) I pressed on and 2 other guys came out to help also. And sure enough when the hanger hit the button the car unlocked and we were able to get the keys and be able to go home, after I cleaned up my mess that is. Thank you Lord!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

More Fevers and stuff

I don’t really have anything new to say. The roller-coaster ride continues, I go up and I go down. The liver drains that they changed last tuesday and then checked again last thursday, still barely drain anything out of my gut. So I don’t know exactly what it means, they are going to check them again today. The initial thought was they would eventually dry up and then could be pulled. So if that is the case maybe one can come out. But then I have been fighting more fevers again, which usually come because there is infected junk in me that needs to be killed or disposed of. My mon/thurs blood test show tBILI level continues to rise, and so I am becoming more and more yellow. The other disappointment is the “spiders/ants” in my skin are back so I want to scratch my skin everywhere like I did prior to the last transplant.

I am getting very tired of this waiting game, but knowing that God is still on His thrown, and that he has everything under control and all things work together for His glory. I am just one small piece of His story, because ultimately it is not about me. Remembering this gives me strength to sit tight and have patience, waiting for God’s perfect time.

UPDATE:
Went back to angio this morning and they changed both drains. In the past every-time they go play with these tubes, it causes a lot of pain. When the doctor came in getting prepped, he asked if I wanted the lydocain (Local anesthetic). My initial response is oh yeah numb me up good I don’t want to feel it. We talked about it more and the Lydocain stings and burns a lot. Once a track has been established it isn’t as painful changing the tube, since the liver doesn’t have any nerve endings in it. So the doctor talked me into trying the procedure without the numbing it first. He was right! Getting the lydocain is the worst part. There is not much pain at all changing the tubes, just weird pressure sensations that even if you do get numbed up you still feel.

The good news is that the pockets/absess are getting smaller, so they say I should be expect the drains to have less fluid come out. So we shall see what happens next in my saga of liver issues.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Another test...

It is really weird when you go through all of these tests when you are awake. But things get really weird when you start dreaming about taking tests. Dreams have a way of n

But this test wasn’t like any of the other tests that I have had in my many many hospital visits. This was the test of all tests. You know your final exam for a college course that is comprehensive of everything from the entire semester. And your entire grade depends on this one test.

In my dream it was like that, only on steriods you know how dreams are, it was all subjects for all grades K-12 & College. Even those subjects where as soon as the class is over your brain flushes all information on the subject and you can’t barely even remember you took the class, let alone any of the info you crammed for the final.

But this test I was going to be taking in my dream had a positive twist to it. Open book, open notes, you could even bring a laptop with a wireless card and search the internet. I could use google to look up answers to help take it. The only requirement was you couldn’t use the person next to you, and you couldn’t turn in somebody else’s test, or help them answer any question. Oh and it will be a timed test.

I was sitting in the back row trying to get ready for this test, I started looking for my pen or pencil that I always usually keep in my pocket. But I couldn’t find it. So then I went digging through my backpack for one that I almost always had in there as a backup. But to my surprise I only found broken pens and pencils, crayons, markers, really old ereasers that would crumble before ereasing anything. Nothing that would work to answer questions on this really important massive test. I finally found a short little stubby pencil about the size of your pinky finger that had a dull worn tip, the kind you dread using because your hand cramps after just a few minutes of writing.

Next I was going to need paper, I usually had lots of blank paper in my notebook during school. But this time when I pulled out my familure notebook all the paper had been already used there wasn’t any blank white paper. There were a bunch of my notes from my many classes like computers, physics, calculus, history, etc. But even more then the total of my notes I had tons of my ex-wifes note’s from all of her classes, high school, college, nursing. This confused me, why would I have brought all of her notes in my notebook. All these thoughts and memories why would I bring them to this test caring around all this extra weight, when what I really needed was a blank piece of paper. The other really weird thing as I was flipping through my notebook there was a lot of colored construction paper, and tissue paper. This too surprised me, what is this for?

I started looking around at my fellow test takers and they were already working on their tests, I wondered where is mine? I was about to ask the instructor that I was missed and didn’t get one when I noticed on the corner of my desk under all of these notes and papers I found the my test. It was about 50 pages thick. Oh wow I thought, I need to get organized and get all of this extra stuff that I pulled out of my backpack out of the way. I started making piles on the floor around my desk. Miriam’s notes, Micah’s notes, Bible study bits, computer code, tissue paper, construction paper. When I cleared enough space on my desk to get to the test and set up my laptop I finally got a chance to start looking at the test. Instructions “Answer all the important questions”. There was multiple choice, esay, and fill in the blank questions. Starting with with linear-algebra or advanced calculus equations. And some physics questions. A lot of them I didn’t even know how to do a word a search so google could find an answer.

So if this test in my dream isn’t weird enough already, the instuctor started putting extra papers on my desk. They where in the plastic page protectors. Pictures that young children would draw, and the parents would hang on the fridge. There were cut out magazine articles, and newspapers on all sorts of subjects, things that my dad would do all the time. There were even some very nice photographs that looked so clear you could imagine yourself right there in the picture. A lot of the the things on and around my desk were a distractions from taking the test. I hadn’t answered any questions yet and almost an hour had gone by

People around me had different size test books and some of them started getting up to leave. I started to thumb through it, thinking is there a trick here. Is this one of those test where you have to start at the back and the instructions say turn it in after a few minutes to get an “A”, or you have to answer every question to hope of getting a “C”. I was looking to see if the important questions jumped out at me. Finally there at the end of the book your test will be over at 10:10 (which was just a few minutes away.) Important questions: 1) Who are you trusting in to get into Heaven? Your own merits? Your head knowledge? Your relationships? Religion? Good works? Jesus Christ? Other...?

I started to understand what this crazy test was all about. All the head knowledge in the world, the billions of web pages of information, and looking through notes of past experiences and classes, and hanging on to old regrets and bitterness or anger, can all be a distraction. Spending all the test time trying to answer as many questions as you can on your own but ultimately keeping you from answering the really important questions.

I started looking around and saw the instructor walk over to a trash can and pull out more of the pictures and articles, to put on some bodies desk as another distraction. And like all good dreams you wake up right as you get to the good part :-)

How would you answer the most important question about where you are going to spend eternity? When you stand before God and he asks you why should you be let into heaven what will you say?

Moon Pictures Updated

Scroll down to the end of the next entry “More fun with the Doctors” to see the pictures that I took of the moon tuesday night.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

More pokes

Since they have changed the drains on tuesday they haven’t been draining much, and I have had some low grade fevers again. All the signs that they aren’t working like they are suppose to. The drains produced less then 70cc in 48+ hours. My mom being worried about me called the transplant team to let them know and of coarse they wanted me to come in and get looked at.

This morning I had my normal blood draw/tests. (1 Poke) When I went back this afternoon they had to do blood culture tests which means they have to poke me at 2 different sites. I had the same phlebotomist as this morning, I have gotten pretty comfortable with them and they do a good job it has been a while since they have had to poke me more then once. We were going to poke both arms, I gave her my right arm to start with which has been the “difficult one” in the past. Sure enough it was still not wanting to cooperate and the first poke didn’t give any blood. She asked if we should dig for it or stab me again. I have learned it is worse when they go fishing for the vain, so I had her poke me again in the same arm. Second time worked great, 1 set of cultures done. She felt really bad about having to poke me, I told her the next one was in my “easier arm”, but she didn’t want to be the one to poke me 4 times in the same day. She had another phlebotomist who was helping, and has also poke me many times in the past, poke me for my 4th poke today and get the 2nd set of cultures. After going to the lab several times a week for 4+ months you start to know who works there, and who is really good. The second set of blood cultures worked without any problem. Hopefully now they will tell the doctors something useful.

After the lab we went back to angio. One of my least favorite places in the hospital. They usually cause me a lot of pain. They were squeezing me in again so we got to sit in the waiting room for quite a while. When I did get called back, my worst fear was that they were going to have to mess with the drains again, pull and push them. But to my surprise they just injected contrast and saw that they were in a good place and working so they sent me away about 15 minutes later. No Painful experience today! Yeah!

What ever they did has made a difference. Fluid has been flowing again more at a “normal” rate. So we continue to wait on God till he opens the next door.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

More fun with the Doctors

Today, I was once again back up at the hospital (but not to stay). This time they wanted to check on the drains going into my liver. It had been a while since they were looked at so they felt it was time to stir them up a bit again. The amount of fluid they were draining had gone down. No body knows what the proper amount should be so it all becomes guess work. I on the other hand don’t like the guessing game when it comes to the drains. I don’t like them messed with. It seems like I go to great lengths to protect them so they don’t hurt to much. Just like the entire body is designed to protect the Pupil in the eye at nearly all costs. My body is getting to the point where it is working extra hard to keep the drains from being accidently pulled or bumped.

But today I didn’t have that option. I had to lay on my back and let the doctor pull them out and put new ones in. They gave me a local anesthetic, so they could get in there and work, but the needle still hurts going in. And then after it is all numb there are the strange pressures I feel as they work. So overall it is not a pleasant experience.

The good part this time was it wasn’t nearly as painful as previous time. I had some fentenal patches that I was given the last time I was in the hospital to manage pain for 72 hours. I had been saving a couple for day like this. So before we went my pain tolerance was already altered.

The doctors didn’t report anything particularly new. It just continues to be a waiting game. Who is going to make the first move? My liver turns for the worse and becomes life threatening, or God provides a liver that fixes things, or God opens some other door to humor us. :-) Because you know he can do whatever he wants and our ways are not always his ways.

On a different note: Did you guys get a chance to see how big the moon was last night, and how amazing it looked? I had to go out and take some pictures of it. But of coarse a camera can’t do it justice. I will post pictures of it later, if any turned out. :-)





Sunday, August 06, 2006

Pretty Good Days

It seams as though every day I have good parts and bad parts. My body has real issues with my stomach and intestines. It seams like I am always running to the bathroom to fix my gut, especially in the morning (4 or 5 times). After my gut decides it doesn’t hate me and I have gone back to sleep 2 or 3 times I find I am ready to face the day (about 1pm or 2pm).

Thursday and Friday I was able to go into work for a few hours. I like that it gives me something to think about other then trying to get through the next 5 minutes. I have several projects that I have been working on there. The station has 4 telephone lines that we take calls on. On a couple of our programs we want to put live callers on the air. The telephone we had been using only supported 3 lines, for the most part this hasn’t been much of a problem because we wouldn’t have a super high call volume. Our new program “Heart of the Matter” with Shawn McCraney, has been different. It is live tuesday nights 8:00-9:00 on Channel 20. He gets on average about 14-16 calls on air, and we screen upwards of 20+. Most of the hour all 4 lines have viewers on hold. Which means others callers go to voicemail or get a busy signal. So the problem has been figuring a way “cheaply” to get our 4th line on the air. I found a 20$ box at radio shack but the quality wasn’t as good and when Shawn would talk he would be super loud and when the viewer spoke they were often quieter. So Denny challenged me to figure out a way to make it better. I won’t go into the details here but I am hoping this tuesday it will work better.

Another project I have been working on is a setting up a new automation system. To replace the one we currently use. It has been a lot more of a challenge then initially planned. Cables don’t match right, things don’t talk to each other like they are suppose to. Learning a new GUI, etc.

Then their is always the task of editing new promo spots or 10 second station IDs. It is amazing how much work goes into 30 seconds of video, and how quickly viewers (and myself) can get bored seeing it air all the time. I have taken several of the pictures I have taken and turned them into station ID’s. It is fun to see my pictures on TV :-)

Saturday started out as a recovery day. I slept, and ate and slept, and slept. I finally got going about 5:30 and headed for church. They were one camera operator short, so I stepped up and ran camera, it has been more then 8 months since I ran camera at church. It was fun, and felt good to be serving again. I was glad my energy held and I didn’t have to leave early. I was very tired by the end of the night. But God is good!

So like always, the roller-coaster continues I have my high points and low points. And now it is back to bed...

Friday, August 04, 2006

Bloom where you are planted

We are still waiting. There is no new news about a liver coming sometime soon. We continue to wait.

I was thinking about it the other day the saying “Bloom where you are planted”. I keep saying I don’t like where I am at in life on this constant roller-coaster ride of feeling good one minute and terrible the next. I want to be doing other things going other places having the energy to hang out with my friends, playing in the hills, going camping, etc. But then I took a step back to look at the situation from a view other then “My little world”. It started me thinking even though I didn’t choose to be in this place of life, God did. What amazes me is how many people have come up to me in different places saying that they are praying for me. Some people I don’t even know others are friends from years past that I have lost contact with. (Thank you all for your prayers, we are on the edge of a great miracle.) This is definitely bigger then anything I/we can imagine. It is a total God thing!

So if I was healthy, and doing all the things that I would want to do, would I be blooming? Would I be effecting as many people? Would I get caught up in my own little world and tune out the rest of the world. Would I post things on the internet? Probably not. Would I have a story to tell? Definitely not the one I am able to tell now.

So even though it isn’t this hasn’t been my most favorite year, God has me in this place for a reason. My hope and prayer is that I can bloom in such a way that brings God glory. And that I can serve Him, and be an encouragement to those around me, even when I don’t know who all is watching. If the Miracle comes to fast, we may not recognize it, if it comes to quick we may not appreciated it. Is that the reason for all this waiting?

I also got to thinking last night, we haven’t really begun to wait. Abraham waited 10 years for his promised son. The Israelites waited 40 years in the desert for a generation to die before entering the promised land. Jonah waited 3 day in the belly of a fish. I can be thankful I am not there. Christians have waited almost 2000 years for Christ return. So my 5 months really can’t compare. I pray and hope that I don’t have to wait that long. But I know that God will not give me more then I can handle and It brings me great comfort that in our weakness He is strong.
(2 Corinthians 12:10)
10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

(Ephesians 6:12)
12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.