What a painful day

Today I had a CT scan to see how my liver was doing and look to see if there were any new abscesses in the dying liver. The good news came back saying that there are no new abscesses the bad news was that my belly is retaining fluid again which might become infected and so I am on another round of strong antibiotics. They were hoping that I could get scanned on tuesday so when I was going to meet with the doctor on wednesday they would have something new to look at. But CT reported that their machine wasn’t working and we could reschedule for thursday.

The painful part of today was CT scans are one of those test were they don’t want you to eat anything for like 12 hours prior to the test so that they can have a “clearer” picture of what is really going on inside. They don’t want you to have solid food like steak or something that might look like potential problems. Well right now everything I eat goes straight through me, you can almost clock it. I have corn or something at 12:30 it is coming out in diarrhea by 6:00. So I don’t know where my body is getting the food to live on maybe, that is one reason why I have so little energy. Well when I haven’t eaten I get weak and lightheaded. My veins also collapse and become more rolly, and more difficult to poke.

So this morning being thursday I started off in the lab to get my blood tested (Poke number 1). Then it was off to CT waiting room I was a touch early. (I wish I would have broke the rules and gotten a muffin at the caffateria first). When they called me back the first order of business was to give me an IV. So they look at my arms and all my veins are hiding. (I wonder why) Well lets look at the other arm. After my lengthy warning, the nurse said “I think I can get that one”, Ok but remember I warned you. (Poke number 2) It went in alright, but she then hooked up the IV drip and watched my arm. But it didn’t feel right to her, and the fluid wasn’t flowing like it is suppose to. Lets try again. I knew getting an IV on the first try was going too good to be true. Nurse: “Lets take a look at the other arm again. I feel one here but I don’t see it” we can make it work. (poke number 3) Nurse: “Oh man I missed the vain that I couldn’t really see, but I know it is right there, hold on. (poke number 4) Got it.” Ok good, maybe we are about done. Nurse: “Oh no I can’t get the catheter in the vein. This one isn’t going to work either. I won’t try any more we’ll get someone else to start the IV”

By this time my body is really going down hill weak and lightheaded. I asked if they had any juice or anything and they said nope not here. Then I told them I needed to lay down or they would have other problems they weren’t counting on (me passing out on them) They took me to a bed and I thought maybe I am not suppose to get an CT scan today. A bit later another nurse came she looked at my arms and found the same problem as the first nurse did. “Where are your veins?“ So after a lot of studying my arms. Oh look your elbow looks really go. Which I responded to ”No that one is off limits“ I have had a hard enough time with phlobotimist getting blood from me and there are 2 veins in my left elbow that I only let ”good“ people stab. I didn’t want an IV blowing out or scaring one of the few places they get blood out of me regularly with minimum amount of pain. Try again elsewhere. So for what came next maybe it was foolish of me to not let them go with the easier poke.

So finally she settled on a vein on my the underside of my right arm. Which is a lot more sensitive, so it really hurt going in. (Poke number 4) There have been very few pokes that bring me to tears because of the pain. This was definately one of those painful times... And then after she dug for a bit she reports it also isn’t going to work the IV needle is in but but the rest of it won’t go in, we need to try again. Ow!!! So after I calmed down a bit and wiped away the tears she was re-prepped and went back to my left arm again and looked at the same vein. And said ”We’ll try a smaller IV this time. Which will mess up how fast they can inject the contrast.“ So I got another painful poke and a few tears. (Poke number 5) Good news we got it. Your done! Wait here we’ll come get you when we are ready. A few minutes later I hear them talking in the hall again. The CT scanner is down again.

I learned that the hospital has three CT scanners. A 64 slice (fast) one that is less then a year old that keeps breaking down on them. One in ER that is an older 8 slice, and one in Nuclear Radiology that is an 8 slice CT/PET scanner. The staff was going to take the waiting patience to one of these other scanners to have the tests done. Things were just going to be taking a bit longer. At least I had a bed to rest on. Others were stuck waiting in chairs. Finally they took me to the CT/PET scanner, so now I have been to all of the CT scanning machines in the hospital. Does that mean I win a prize? Like maybe I am exempt from the next one? Like in college not having to take the final because you did good on the other tests.

So finally I was on the scanner bed and they take several passes. ”Hold your breath“, ok breathe which is all fine. Then they prepare the injection. Lovely stuff that makes you warm and tingly all over. If you have ever seen the movie ”Muppets Christmas Carol“ and remember the scene where Kermit the frog asks Scrooge for a few more coals for the fire to keep the staff (the muppet rats) warm Scrooge responds ”How would the staff like to be unemployed?“ To which the Rats respond ”Heat wave“ and break out into an island dance, after a scene split costume change. That is how I always feel after being injected with this ”fun“ contrast. One second I am cool and the next ”Heat wave“. When every thing works well I don’t have any problems. But today hasn’t been a day free from problems. They want to inject the contrast as fast as possible and there is 100cc of it. So it normally takes 10-15 seconds. Well since I had a smaller IV they were going to do it slower, in 20 seconds. They first inject saline to make sure everything is working right. Well this time I thought my arm was going to blow apart. It hurt bad! Then ok now we are going to inject the contrast, WAM! Another pain in the same arm. Now hold your breath for the scanner, while you feel warm and tingly all over. Then about the time I was recovering from the feeling of loosing my vein in my arm ok you are all done we can pull out the IV now. If they needed to find a vein to poke now would be a great time that one is all stretched out and HURTS!

So after all that I survived, but it is definitely something I want to do again anytime soon. But I know I can look forward to it about as much as I can look forward to another liver transplant.

Lord if there is any other way to heal me then a transplant please do it! But I know that we all can rejoice at this point anything God does in my life is a miracle.

Yeah!

I made it into work again today. At least before tonight’s live program started, Shawn McCraney Heart of the Matter tuesdays 8:00-9:00PM then re-airs tuesday 11:00AM, www.bornagainmormon.com. I got to work about 7pm, so I should rephrase my I went into work tonight. This morning I was at home trying to find or conserve as much energy as I could. Tonight’s program went pretty good. Denny directed and I ran audio and graphics in the control room. It was a lot of fun working with Denny again. Anton has been directing most of the programs, which allows Denny to do other things, but since his school schedule has changed and he started back to school, he is not available tuesday nights.

I have gotten out of practice on the technical rhythm, each program and on air talent has their own rythm. It is easy to get out of sync and things don’t go as planned. Viewers say they don’t see the problems and everything looks fine to them. But I know what I want it to look like and it bugs me when I can’t make it how I wanted. But working at the TV station just re-affirms that God doesn’t call the qualified but qualifies the called. He gives us gifts and talents that we can use for His glory, or ours. I guess the bugs are their to keep me humble and show me that God is the one who is in control. It has often amazed me and everyone else behind the scenes how God is using the station and programs to touch peoples lives in a very powerful way. Denny says I can’t get another transplant because the show has gotten so popular and I am needed there so I can only get it if I will be back to work on tuesday night. Depending on God’s timing I might tell the nurse I am going for a walk I will be back in 2-3 hours :-) and show up at the station in a hospital gown. I guess that would only work if I don’t have a dancing buddy attached to me (the ever so lovely IV pump).

It is interesting that Shawn’s 1st program was the same day I got the first transplant. The weekend before I was helping to build the set and computer graphics and promos. Then wham “your outa there Micah“ God has different plans for you. It is just another case and point were I can’t take any real credit for the success of the program. It is all about God and it is His-story. I can just enjoy the privilege of being a part of it sometimes. Thank You LORD!

<>< ‘One life at a time, one world in our lifetime.’ <><

I wish I had something exciting to report...

To all the people that have been wondering what has happened why I have not updated anything on the blog. Well I have said it all before. Still have fevers that go up and down, the drain are still very picky and often get clogged. I have next to no energy.

So far my major high lights in my life are going to church and having enough energy afterwards to hang out with friends. Who have all figured out by now the answer the famous question of “How are you doing” my answer is, “Yes I am doing, I don’t know for sure, but I am here and not at home, so that is a good thing I think.” Or some variant of it.

There is only so many times you can say the same thing before you get extremely bored with it. I think that is my problem with the blog I have nothing new and I have gotten bored saying Monday I had fevers, tuesday, fevers in the morning and forced myself into work, wednesday fevers and slept most of the day, thursday ... etc. It has been almost a month of the same pattern.

I have been hoping that I could have enough energy to go to the zoo at some point soon before the weather turns cold, since I haven’t really done any fun or different from ordinary outside this summer. The most I have been in the sun is between the backdoor and the car, and from a car to inside where I am going. My hair has become a lot darker not getting bleached in the sun. True part of it is because of the drugs I am on recommend avoiding sun light but this is Utah... an outdoor recreation state.

So we continue to wait for something exciting to happen in my life... Only God knows the great plans he has for me. I can hope and pray that they include me being healthy again, and really getting plugged into changing the Salt Lake valley for Christ and for His glory. I also hope that someday in the not to distant years it will also include a wife and family.

Same song... (still) I have forgotten what verse I am on

(Note: I thought I posted this one already but it didn’t go through so here it is... 8/29 )

Same song, I have forgotten what verse I am on. I don’t have anything new to report. We still continue to wait for God to provide what I need. We still sit on the transplant list waiting for a match. It is a very hard place to be. Waiting for someone to die, so doctors can take them apart and use them for other people.

My liver still has issues. I have been fighting low-grade fevers, after more fevers, my body temperature has been up and down so much, I feel like I am on the end of a bouncing Slinky. I wake up and I could have a fever, then after a few hours it will be down and then the about the time I am feeling like the fever has left and I could consider doing something, on comes the next one. So at the end of the day I haven’t done much of anything. Including updating the blog.

Car fun...

Tuesday we made it to work again to help out with the program Heart of the Matter. I really like being able to go work at the TV station and give my mind different brain benders, to try to figure out. When it was time for my evening pills to be taken with food my mom who spends most of the day sitting reading her book decided to go to subway and get sandwiches. It is very helpful cause we can keep working and food shows up like delivery. Later, right before we were going on live I was going to go get something out of the car. I asked my mom where are the keys, she reached in her pocket, nothing, looked in her purse, nothing. Horror across her face, as she said I don’t know they might be in the car. We went out and looked and sure enough they were left right in plain sight on the passenger seat. And on the floor was my camera bag where I keep my spare set. I smiled and thought ok I guess I won’t be getting in there before the program. My mom had that terrible feeling all night, what are we going to do... Me on the other hand didn’t think much about it we have a program to put on we'll have to deal with it later. For the first half I was manning a camera and my mom was going to run the telephone prompter but she couldn’t figure out what she was suppose to do and there was a big mixup on the phone which caller was on which line, she was handed a stack of phone calls but the phone screeners didn’t put the right line number with the caller’s name. So the first few callers had the wrong name mentioned on air. Denny and Anton were getting frustrated. So I went back to help straighten things out. After the program was over I wanted to try wire or a coat hanger on the car. I have power locks so I knew that if I could just hit the button the car would open itself. Other observers were saying no don’t do that, we’ll call AAA they will be here in 30-40 minutes. (My thought, they don’t have a key to my car either so they will probably attempt the same thing I am doing) I pressed on and 2 other guys came out to help also. And sure enough when the hanger hit the button the car unlocked and we were able to get the keys and be able to go home, after I cleaned up my mess that is. Thank you Lord!

More Fevers and stuff

I don’t really have anything new to say. The roller-coaster ride continues, I go up and I go down. The liver drains that they changed last tuesday and then checked again last thursday, still barely drain anything out of my gut. So I don’t know exactly what it means, they are going to check them again today. The initial thought was they would eventually dry up and then could be pulled. So if that is the case maybe one can come out. But then I have been fighting more fevers again, which usually come because there is infected junk in me that needs to be killed or disposed of. My mon/thurs blood test show tBILI level continues to rise, and so I am becoming more and more yellow. The other disappointment is the “spiders/ants” in my skin are back so I want to scratch my skin everywhere like I did prior to the last transplant.

I am getting very tired of this waiting game, but knowing that God is still on His thrown, and that he has everything under control and all things work together for His glory. I am just one small piece of His story, because ultimately it is not about me. Remembering this gives me strength to sit tight and have patience, waiting for God’s perfect time.

UPDATE:
Went back to angio this morning and they changed both drains. In the past every-time they go play with these tubes, it causes a lot of pain. When the doctor came in getting prepped, he asked if I wanted the lydocain (Local anesthetic). My initial response is oh yeah numb me up good I don’t want to feel it. We talked about it more and the Lydocain stings and burns a lot. Once a track has been established it isn’t as painful changing the tube, since the liver doesn’t have any nerve endings in it. So the doctor talked me into trying the procedure without the numbing it first. He was right! Getting the lydocain is the worst part. There is not much pain at all changing the tubes, just weird pressure sensations that even if you do get numbed up you still feel.

The good news is that the pockets/absess are getting smaller, so they say I should be expect the drains to have less fluid come out. So we shall see what happens next in my saga of liver issues.

Another test...

It is really weird when you go through all of these tests when you are awake. But things get really weird when you start dreaming about taking tests. Dreams have a way of n

But this test wasn’t like any of the other tests that I have had in my many many hospital visits. This was the test of all tests. You know your final exam for a college course that is comprehensive of everything from the entire semester. And your entire grade depends on this one test.

In my dream it was like that, only on steriods you know how dreams are, it was all subjects for all grades K-12 & College. Even those subjects where as soon as the class is over your brain flushes all information on the subject and you can’t barely even remember you took the class, let alone any of the info you crammed for the final.

But this test I was going to be taking in my dream had a positive twist to it. Open book, open notes, you could even bring a laptop with a wireless card and search the internet. I could use google to look up answers to help take it. The only requirement was you couldn’t use the person next to you, and you couldn’t turn in somebody else’s test, or help them answer any question. Oh and it will be a timed test.

I was sitting in the back row trying to get ready for this test, I started looking for my pen or pencil that I always usually keep in my pocket. But I couldn’t find it. So then I went digging through my backpack for one that I almost always had in there as a backup. But to my surprise I only found broken pens and pencils, crayons, markers, really old ereasers that would crumble before ereasing anything. Nothing that would work to answer questions on this really important massive test. I finally found a short little stubby pencil about the size of your pinky finger that had a dull worn tip, the kind you dread using because your hand cramps after just a few minutes of writing.

Next I was going to need paper, I usually had lots of blank paper in my notebook during school. But this time when I pulled out my familure notebook all the paper had been already used there wasn’t any blank white paper. There were a bunch of my notes from my many classes like computers, physics, calculus, history, etc. But even more then the total of my notes I had tons of my ex-wifes note’s from all of her classes, high school, college, nursing. This confused me, why would I have brought all of her notes in my notebook. All these thoughts and memories why would I bring them to this test caring around all this extra weight, when what I really needed was a blank piece of paper. The other really weird thing as I was flipping through my notebook there was a lot of colored construction paper, and tissue paper. This too surprised me, what is this for?

I started looking around at my fellow test takers and they were already working on their tests, I wondered where is mine? I was about to ask the instructor that I was missed and didn’t get one when I noticed on the corner of my desk under all of these notes and papers I found the my test. It was about 50 pages thick. Oh wow I thought, I need to get organized and get all of this extra stuff that I pulled out of my backpack out of the way. I started making piles on the floor around my desk. Miriam’s notes, Micah’s notes, Bible study bits, computer code, tissue paper, construction paper. When I cleared enough space on my desk to get to the test and set up my laptop I finally got a chance to start looking at the test. Instructions “Answer all the important questions”. There was multiple choice, esay, and fill in the blank questions. Starting with with linear-algebra or advanced calculus equations. And some physics questions. A lot of them I didn’t even know how to do a word a search so google could find an answer.

So if this test in my dream isn’t weird enough already, the instuctor started putting extra papers on my desk. They where in the plastic page protectors. Pictures that young children would draw, and the parents would hang on the fridge. There were cut out magazine articles, and newspapers on all sorts of subjects, things that my dad would do all the time. There were even some very nice photographs that looked so clear you could imagine yourself right there in the picture. A lot of the the things on and around my desk were a distractions from taking the test. I hadn’t answered any questions yet and almost an hour had gone by

People around me had different size test books and some of them started getting up to leave. I started to thumb through it, thinking is there a trick here. Is this one of those test where you have to start at the back and the instructions say turn it in after a few minutes to get an “A”, or you have to answer every question to hope of getting a “C”. I was looking to see if the important questions jumped out at me. Finally there at the end of the book your test will be over at 10:10 (which was just a few minutes away.) Important questions: 1) Who are you trusting in to get into Heaven? Your own merits? Your head knowledge? Your relationships? Religion? Good works? Jesus Christ? Other...?

I started to understand what this crazy test was all about. All the head knowledge in the world, the billions of web pages of information, and looking through notes of past experiences and classes, and hanging on to old regrets and bitterness or anger, can all be a distraction. Spending all the test time trying to answer as many questions as you can on your own but ultimately keeping you from answering the really important questions.

I started looking around and saw the instructor walk over to a trash can and pull out more of the pictures and articles, to put on some bodies desk as another distraction. And like all good dreams you wake up right as you get to the good part :-)

How would you answer the most important question about where you are going to spend eternity? When you stand before God and he asks you why should you be let into heaven what will you say?

Moon Pictures Updated

Scroll down to the end of the next entry “More fun with the Doctors” to see the pictures that I took of the moon tuesday night.

More pokes

Since they have changed the drains on tuesday they haven’t been draining much, and I have had some low grade fevers again. All the signs that they aren’t working like they are suppose to. The drains produced less then 70cc in 48+ hours. My mom being worried about me called the transplant team to let them know and of coarse they wanted me to come in and get looked at.

This morning I had my normal blood draw/tests. (1 Poke) When I went back this afternoon they had to do blood culture tests which means they have to poke me at 2 different sites. I had the same phlebotomist as this morning, I have gotten pretty comfortable with them and they do a good job it has been a while since they have had to poke me more then once. We were going to poke both arms, I gave her my right arm to start with which has been the “difficult one” in the past. Sure enough it was still not wanting to cooperate and the first poke didn’t give any blood. She asked if we should dig for it or stab me again. I have learned it is worse when they go fishing for the vain, so I had her poke me again in the same arm. Second time worked great, 1 set of cultures done. She felt really bad about having to poke me, I told her the next one was in my “easier arm”, but she didn’t want to be the one to poke me 4 times in the same day. She had another phlebotomist who was helping, and has also poke me many times in the past, poke me for my 4th poke today and get the 2nd set of cultures. After going to the lab several times a week for 4+ months you start to know who works there, and who is really good. The second set of blood cultures worked without any problem. Hopefully now they will tell the doctors something useful.

After the lab we went back to angio. One of my least favorite places in the hospital. They usually cause me a lot of pain. They were squeezing me in again so we got to sit in the waiting room for quite a while. When I did get called back, my worst fear was that they were going to have to mess with the drains again, pull and push them. But to my surprise they just injected contrast and saw that they were in a good place and working so they sent me away about 15 minutes later. No Painful experience today! Yeah!

What ever they did has made a difference. Fluid has been flowing again more at a “normal” rate. So we continue to wait on God till he opens the next door.

More fun with the Doctors

Today, I was once again back up at the hospital (but not to stay). This time they wanted to check on the drains going into my liver. It had been a while since they were looked at so they felt it was time to stir them up a bit again. The amount of fluid they were draining had gone down. No body knows what the proper amount should be so it all becomes guess work. I on the other hand don’t like the guessing game when it comes to the drains. I don’t like them messed with. It seems like I go to great lengths to protect them so they don’t hurt to much. Just like the entire body is designed to protect the Pupil in the eye at nearly all costs. My body is getting to the point where it is working extra hard to keep the drains from being accidently pulled or bumped.

But today I didn’t have that option. I had to lay on my back and let the doctor pull them out and put new ones in. They gave me a local anesthetic, so they could get in there and work, but the needle still hurts going in. And then after it is all numb there are the strange pressures I feel as they work. So overall it is not a pleasant experience.

The good part this time was it wasn’t nearly as painful as previous time. I had some fentenal patches that I was given the last time I was in the hospital to manage pain for 72 hours. I had been saving a couple for day like this. So before we went my pain tolerance was already altered.

The doctors didn’t report anything particularly new. It just continues to be a waiting game. Who is going to make the first move? My liver turns for the worse and becomes life threatening, or God provides a liver that fixes things, or God opens some other door to humor us. :-) Because you know he can do whatever he wants and our ways are not always his ways.

On a different note: Did you guys get a chance to see how big the moon was last night, and how amazing it looked? I had to go out and take some pictures of it. But of coarse a camera can’t do it justice. I will post pictures of it later, if any turned out. :-)

Pretty Good Days

It seams as though every day I have good parts and bad parts. My body has real issues with my stomach and intestines. It seams like I am always running to the bathroom to fix my gut, especially in the morning (4 or 5 times). After my gut decides it doesn’t hate me and I have gone back to sleep 2 or 3 times I find I am ready to face the day (about 1pm or 2pm).

Thursday and Friday I was able to go into work for a few hours. I like that it gives me something to think about other then trying to get through the next 5 minutes. I have several projects that I have been working on there. The station has 4 telephone lines that we take calls on. On a couple of our programs we want to put live callers on the air. The telephone we had been using only supported 3 lines, for the most part this hasn’t been much of a problem because we wouldn’t have a super high call volume. Our new program “Heart of the Matter” with Shawn McCraney, has been different. It is live tuesday nights 8:00-9:00 on Channel 20. He gets on average about 14-16 calls on air, and we screen upwards of 20+. Most of the hour all 4 lines have viewers on hold. Which means others callers go to voicemail or get a busy signal. So the problem has been figuring a way “cheaply” to get our 4th line on the air. I found a 20$ box at radio shack but the quality wasn’t as good and when Shawn would talk he would be super loud and when the viewer spoke they were often quieter. So Denny challenged me to figure out a way to make it better. I won’t go into the details here but I am hoping this tuesday it will work better.

Another project I have been working on is a setting up a new automation system. To replace the one we currently use. It has been a lot more of a challenge then initially planned. Cables don’t match right, things don’t talk to each other like they are suppose to. Learning a new GUI, etc.

Then their is always the task of editing new promo spots or 10 second station IDs. It is amazing how much work goes into 30 seconds of video, and how quickly viewers (and myself) can get bored seeing it air all the time. I have taken several of the pictures I have taken and turned them into station ID’s. It is fun to see my pictures on TV :-)

Saturday started out as a recovery day. I slept, and ate and slept, and slept. I finally got going about 5:30 and headed for church. They were one camera operator short, so I stepped up and ran camera, it has been more then 8 months since I ran camera at church. It was fun, and felt good to be serving again. I was glad my energy held and I didn’t have to leave early. I was very tired by the end of the night. But God is good!

So like always, the roller-coaster continues I have my high points and low points. And now it is back to bed...

Bloom where you are planted

We are still waiting. There is no new news about a liver coming sometime soon. We continue to wait.

I was thinking about it the other day the saying “Bloom where you are planted”. I keep saying I don’t like where I am at in life on this constant roller-coaster ride of feeling good one minute and terrible the next. I want to be doing other things going other places having the energy to hang out with my friends, playing in the hills, going camping, etc. But then I took a step back to look at the situation from a view other then “My little world”. It started me thinking even though I didn’t choose to be in this place of life, God did. What amazes me is how many people have come up to me in different places saying that they are praying for me. Some people I don’t even know others are friends from years past that I have lost contact with. (Thank you all for your prayers, we are on the edge of a great miracle.) This is definitely bigger then anything I/we can imagine. It is a total God thing!

So if I was healthy, and doing all the things that I would want to do, would I be blooming? Would I be effecting as many people? Would I get caught up in my own little world and tune out the rest of the world. Would I post things on the internet? Probably not. Would I have a story to tell? Definitely not the one I am able to tell now.

So even though it isn’t this hasn’t been my most favorite year, God has me in this place for a reason. My hope and prayer is that I can bloom in such a way that brings God glory. And that I can serve Him, and be an encouragement to those around me, even when I don’t know who all is watching. If the Miracle comes to fast, we may not recognize it, if it comes to quick we may not appreciated it. Is that the reason for all this waiting?

I also got to thinking last night, we haven’t really begun to wait. Abraham waited 10 years for his promised son. The Israelites waited 40 years in the desert for a generation to die before entering the promised land. Jonah waited 3 day in the belly of a fish. I can be thankful I am not there. Christians have waited almost 2000 years for Christ return. So my 5 months really can’t compare. I pray and hope that I don’t have to wait that long. But I know that God will not give me more then I can handle and It brings me great comfort that in our weakness He is strong.
(2 Corinthians 12:10)
10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

(Ephesians 6:12)
12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.