My mom asked...

what I thought of this whole liver thing. My levels have gone up again. So they are changing the dosage on one of my drugs again hoping that things will turn around again. But I don't know that they really know much more then they are giving it there best guess, and I get to ride the roller-coaster till they figure it out. If things don't change they have talked about re-listing me and then we get to start all over again, without an immune system this time :-) Lucky me... My Mom has been watching me very close and anytime I say I am not feeling good she is very concerned and starts wondering if we need to go back to the Hospital. It has been a big help having her here with me, Thank you Campus Towers for letting her be here with me...

I started thinking why has this week felt so much harder the previous weeks. Nothing has really changed all that much this week from last week. I still don't have the energy level that I want to have. I am still really swollen, bigger then before which makes moving really uncomfortable and hard. But then I got thinking, my attitude has changed. This week I have been focusing more on how I feel, what my energy level is and what I want to do. I have in a way made the story about me, and not God. Then the saying I have quoted to myself so many times the last year came to mind. It is NOT about you! It is History(His Story) not mine.

It is so easy to put the focus back on selfish me and take focus off of Christ, the only true Saviour and Healer. Two stories from the Bible came to mind. The first one is Peter walking on water:
(Matthew 14:27-31)
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came towards Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

It is very easy for me right now to be looking at the struggles I am facing every day with this liver and the up and down roller coaster of a month I have had and it is very easy to get overwhelmed and freak out and sink. But God is always faithful and right there. Lord save me from this. " Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him."

Second the Fiery Furnace:
(Daniel 3:14-18)
14 and Nebuchadnezzar said to them, “Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the image of gold I have set up?
15 Now when you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes and all kinds of music, if you are ready to fall down and worship the image I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?”
16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter.
17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king.
18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

Everything in this world/life is all going to burn, "Only one life, it will soon be past, only what is done for Christ will last." -Anonymous

So for me to get caught up on my trivial problems, is really a small thing to deal with when there are people dying for the Faith everyday. And so far I don't think I have come anywhere close to endure what Jesus Christ, Paul, Peter, and all the other Apostles, endured.

So I actually have a lot to be thankful for. I could be far worse off. Thank you Lord!

(Romans 8:28)
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
(1 Peter 1:6, 7)
6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.
7 These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed.