Don't be shocked

Yes, It is me again writing my thoughts for the world to read. It has been a while since I posted an update. As my mom has been saying, I have not been feeling to well the last week or so. This has not been the greatest last little bit. Pretty much I have been hating life. Now I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea here, when I say I hate life that doesn’t mean that I am thinking about suicide and am wanting to kill myself, NO that would be extremely selfish of me, and go against my life motto “It is not about me, it is all about GOD! This is His-story I am just along for the ride.” No when I say “I am hating life” I just want this world and life to end and be in Heaven. Where there is no more pain and suffering. And when I stand before the Creator of the universe and He asks me why I should be let into Heaven, I can answer, because I believe in your Son Jesus Christ who was sinless died a cross to pay the price of my sin (Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.)
Not because of any good thing I have done on my own but it is all about what God has done. Yeah Jesus!

So back to the hating life, I have been in a lot of pain since they put this drain into my liver. At first I thought they missed and put it into my lung because it hurt so much to take a deep breath, and the first 12 hours the thing had a lot of blood coming out, that has since stopped but it still drains a lot of bile. So I get to wander around carrying a bag with me as I go about, being totally exhausted having my body climate go from super hot to cold very quickly. Did I mention that I am exhausted.

I have come to the conclusion that hospitals are places where sick people go to get more sick and healthy people go to get sick. In a way they are torture houses. Like in my case, I have gotten poked up and down both arms so many times they are having problems finding places that aren’t bruised or scared to put more holes. They tell you that sleeping is good for you and you need to get a bunch but then they come in all the time to check on you and it is often 15 minutes after you have fallen asleep. Foodservice I know tries to serve good food but there is only so much hospital food you can really take, and it seams like they are always getting something wrong with my meal. Added to the top of all the other issues things little things like getting Cherios with no milk when for the last 6 days you have been telling them can I get Soy milk, and add it to my meal plan so I can always get it, makes it very trying.

Overall I can’t complain all that much about the hospital. There are so many people there that work really hard to make peoples stay really good. And after spending more then a month in the hospital I have gotten to experience hospital life in a way I had never seen before. I had so many very nice helpful nurses and aids that I can’t even remember all of the names if I had to list them. The doctors came by every day always with a smile on their face helpful in letting me know what they were seeing and where we were going. Only one day did they miss telling me what was coming next. I just have a negative attitude right now because I am so tired, exhausted, and in pain. Pain drugs are wonderful :-) I am also really struggling with being stir crazy. I have never been so lazy in my life were I lay in bed for more then a week and do nothing for fear of pain and that I will loose the position I found that isn’t hurting (too much)

On a more positive note yesterday (Tuesday May 16th) they decided to release me from the hospital again saying there is nothing that they are doing for me there that I can’t do at home. So once again I have picked up and moved out. Hopefully I won’t have to go back for any more extended vacations (torture treatments). I will be back regularly for blood draws and a checkup on this drain. And it wouldn’t surprise me if I have more magnesium infusions coming my way too, so that means more IVs :-P

Today was the first day back home again. It really is hard when my mind has all of this desire to more and my body gets tired less then 1/4 of the way there. Often it has been working like this, I am laying down mind is saying get going need new stimuli lets go for a walk, finally body gets in line overcoming the pain we go from laying to seated now we wait a bit for recovery so I don’t pass out when I stand up. Now I need to get dressed for the walk, so I get up, slowly, gather things together and get dressed. Because I have been laying not moving for so long I now need to go to the restroom. So once that is taken care of and finish getting ready I set out. Quickly, 500 steps or less usually the realization hits again that I am out of shape and breathing really hard and painful, so then I want to go lay down and recover from my new stimuli adventure.

Today did have one out of the ordinary new stimuli happen. The stir crazyness I have been fighting with out weighed all of my other issues and we managed to go into work for about 2 hours. It was good to let my mind start creating again.

As I type this now I am falling asleep so I think that is a good clue telling me stop here and` post more later. Little steps are better then big leaps and sliding backwards.