There are a lot of things in my life right now that seem to be taking my energy. My mind has several things that I would like to do, but I am finding that none of them are getting done. I want to blame it on my “bad” liver, but my liver levels were a lot higher back in January prior to transplant. I want to blame it on my muscles being week, but that just means I need to get out and move more. I want to say it is because of the pain, which there have been a number of days I have had a lot it, the doctors finally found some pain medicine that really works well. I go from a 6 or 7 on the pain scale to 1 or 2. I wish I could feel this good without any drugs. It would be easy to try to blame it on the heat. My mom is hating this Utah hot weather. I don’t mind it to much. I wish I could be outside doing something in it, like swimming, or hiking in the mountains, or something fun.
So in reality I want to blame it on everything else but the real problem which is me. My own lazyness. Tonight I heard there was going to be some fireworks set off downtown. So After many hours of trying to get me going (unfortunately missed church by taking to long) I got myself moving which right now is one speed slow and stopped. My mom and I walked downtown and saw a small show. It felt good to get out and go for a walk. I was thinking why I don’t do this more often and it hit me I spend to much time right now watching tv and trying to find “comfortable places”. I often try to go back to sleep. One reason I am probably tired all the time is that I haven’t been pushing myself to do more. It is easy to say it but it is a fight against myself to actually do it. You don’t use it you loose it. And I probably haven’t pushed myself hard enough to not loose it. But the one thing this doesn’t answer is the sick nasty feelings I have in my gut. You know the ones that tell you your not back to normal yet. And the 2 plastic tubes coming out of my liver doesn’t help to motivate either.
So in reality I want to blame it on everything else but the real problem which is me. My own lazyness. Tonight I heard there was going to be some fireworks set off downtown. So After many hours of trying to get me going (unfortunately missed church by taking to long) I got myself moving which right now is one speed slow and stopped. My mom and I walked downtown and saw a small show. It felt good to get out and go for a walk. I was thinking why I don’t do this more often and it hit me I spend to much time right now watching tv and trying to find “comfortable places”. I often try to go back to sleep. One reason I am probably tired all the time is that I haven’t been pushing myself to do more. It is easy to say it but it is a fight against myself to actually do it. You don’t use it you loose it. And I probably haven’t pushed myself hard enough to not loose it. But the one thing this doesn’t answer is the sick nasty feelings I have in my gut. You know the ones that tell you your not back to normal yet. And the 2 plastic tubes coming out of my liver doesn’t help to motivate either.
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